Tea Etiquette
When going to an elegant tea party, how would one know what the right and wrong way is? By first learning the rules.
Tea parties are becoming a more popular trend again, but how do we make sure to stay true to the “real” version of it? By learning the rules and proper etiquette for such events.
Do not fear, they are fairly easy when first you know, so let’s just get straight into it.
Rule number 1: Call it the right name.
This may not seem that important, but for someone joining your tea party who have been to one before, this could turn into quite the hassle, which we of course do not want. Afternoon tea is the one you see in all the movies and history books, sitting in nice outfits, drinking from fine china and so on. High tea was more commonly known as the early dinner for the lower class with a serving of meat potatoes and bread, combined with a cup of hot tea at a high table, as for the name high tea.
Rule number 2: Dress correctly.
No matter if you are going to a hotel for afternoon tea or a party hosted by someone, the outfit is everything. No, you do not have to arrive in a ball gown, but a knee length dress or skirt with a modest top part is most appropriate. Accessories are all welcome, but keep it to a low; short lace gloves, a hat, pearl jewelry, a small purse, and a short heel is perfect.
Rule number 3: Nothing on the table.
This does not mean you tea cup and small plate with the items you are enjoying, but rather the idea of the content of your purse. You should never leave keys, glasses, and especially you phone out. It is considered very rude to be on you phone at such events. Most hostess’s will allow you to take lots of pictures upon arrival, but make sure to put it away as soon as you have. You want her to see that you respect her hard work and as people say: Enjoy the moments you get before they are gone.
Rule number 4: The napkin.
This will show if you are truly a lady. A napkin will most defiantly be on your plate upon arrival. This napkin should be folded once and placed in your lap with the crease against you. If the napkin is of smaller design, I recommend folding it corner to corner, creating a triangle and then placing it in your lap, crease again towards you. It is placed so for you to slightly whip your fingers when you have touched food, its there for if a drop of tea should escape the cup, it will not ruin you outfit and it makes you look like you know what you are doing.
Bonus 4: Never leave the napkin on the chair as it may stain. Never whip you mouth, but rather dap it as to not leaving lipstick smutch all over. When all done, never place the napkin back on the dirty plate, but put it next to it instead.
Rule number 5: Tea into cup.
At many modern parties, the teabag is everywhere, but a real afternoon tea event calls for loose leave tea in the tea pot. This is why a small stainer would be placed over the cup as to catch the loose leaves and give you the perfect cup of tea.
Bonus 5: Milk and sugar is something people add to their liking, but a small rule is that milk only is suitable for black tea, never green, oolong, white, or herbal tea.
Rule number 6: Hold the cup.
We all have this idea that when we drink, it looks fancy to have the little finger sticking out, pointing in some unknown direction, but this is not correct. The traditional way of holding the cup is much more simple and graceful. With your dominate hand place the thumb and index finger on the handle, not through. Rest your middle finger against the curve of the handle going down and leave the last two fingers inside the palm of your hand.
Rule number 7: No noise, please.
Mostly all of us have watched Princess Diaries at least once. Here there is one scene where the queen is drinking tea in the garden with Mia. The queen uses the spoon to make small back and forth motions in the tea, while Mia swirls the spoon around the cup and on the top, making a lot of noise and slight damage to the cup. Do NOT be like Mia. You should always make small soundless motions with the spoon when stirring and never bang the spoon down when “dripping” off the rest. Slightly “wipe” the bottom of the spoon on the cup and put the spoon down.
Rule number 8: The saucer stays.
The saucer, like any other plate on the table is a place to put things and isn’t supposed to be lifted. I know that in some situations, this will have to be allowed, but that is only when served the tea in a position without a table to place it on, which more commonly would happen when simple being offered a cup pf tea at someones house, rarely ever at a proper afternoon tea party.
Rule number 9: Let it cool.
In the world of tea drinking, it’s a social event, not a speed run. Do not blow on the tea trying to cool it down, but let it cool by itself. When it’s the right warmth for you to drink without burning yourself, remember to take small sips. Always small sips.
Rule number 10: Which comes first.
A three-tire-stand will be placed with a lot of delicious small treats for the taste buds. That being said, there is a way to begin and end when it comes to this. The placement (correctly) will always be; sandwiched at the bottom layer, scones in the middle, desserts at the top. You should look at it as walking down a hall, getting to the end. You can’t just skip the whole walk, jumping straight to the end, so you have to start at the beginning, which in this situation is the sandwiches. But don’t worry, you will get to the sweets faster than you know.
Rule number 11: Break it.
As you get to the scones, remember to never cut it in half with you knife, but rather break it in half with your hands. Yes, since a proper scone should be easy to just part. Also, it should be eaten with clotted cream and jam, but which one you place first is up to the individual. You should also only eat one half at a time, it’s a scone, not a sandwich.
Rule number 12: Don’t dunk.
I see it everyday, people dunking a cookie into the coffee or tea, but you should never ever do that at an afternoon tea event. It is frowned upon as it seems you do not appreciate the individual tastes as they are. Just don’t dunk.
Rule number 13: Which fork for when.
At an afternoon tea event, everyone will have one small fork and one teaspoon. The teaspoon of course being for adding sugar to you tea and stirring. After that the spoon should always be placed on the saucer as a spoon in the cup or in your mouth looks very uncivilized and improper. The fork is for when the time comes for the sweet desserts. You should always use the fork for the desserts (unless it is a cookie, which almost never happens). Finger sandwiches have the name for a reason, and the scone with receive clotted cream from the butter knife placed therein.
Rule number 14: Smile.
Yes, that is a lot of rules and yes you might mess up, but it’s not the Victorian era and no one is going to be after you for a small mistake. have fun, get to know people, smile and laugh.
The end of a very long post created while enjoying my favorite tea from one of my favorite tea cups, which also happens to have been hand painted by my beloved grandmother.
I hope you all will find use of this post and enjoy the summer and stay safe.
Kisses,
Micala.
